Utterly Torn.

i don't know what to do. i don't want to throw away what i have with you. but i don't want to throw away what i might have with him. the hurt. the pain. the shame. the hiding. the confiding in other people. the advice. infatuated because of our problems and fights? maybe.. someone please save me. holding me and showing me another side of life. the apple falling on the other side of the tree. an attraction i can't ignore. either way, i'm crushing a heart i'm torn. a trial separation losing feelings, and getting them back falling through the cracks can't keep myself on track. i thought i knew what i wanted.. now the future is even more blurred black and haunted. this was never what i wanted. i need to make a decision someone close to me will be lost either way. the words aren't coming what do i do, what do i say? hearts are not objects of play.. loving or crushing? diving in and/or subsiding? through hell i am riding.. and no one is guiding. my heart is confused i have abused the one that i loved and the one that i might.. i can't figure it out is what we had worth the fight? or should i let it be and surrender our memories to the past and pursue this endless night.. wading through hard questions teaching me excruicating and exhausting life lessons that must be learned.. what is it i most yearn?... love michelle.