In Recovery

It's clear to me now. The mistakes I have made were my decsions. They say there is no wrong decsion. Well I must dissagree. Because look at me I messed up and lost out in the cold. Damn what have I done. I look at it and see that it just isn't me. In out of body experience why do I not controle myself. When I am there this feeling only last a minute than it is gone and I am through. I push the door open and step into the shower to wash off and clean. I realize that this is not the Man I am supose to be. Confussion over comes me. The million dollar question would why did you do it? But will it ever be answered? One day I will realize that is just a phase in my life but until that day this burden will be on my back. I carry these suitcases of guilt and there is so many here so I hope there is room for all these but if not then well leave me behind. Because this is me take me for me. I am still recovering