winter headlights get lost
in a blur of darkness and rain
i wake shaky and alert
satisfied and terrified
wondering what went wrong
why i've said the things i've said
why i've done the things i've done
why i've left out chapters
of this partially grown life
i know that this kind of rain
will leave fat prints
on the windshield of my car
that the wipers must be set high
that heat would be required
if this is all that sleep brings -
the hustle and bustle of home
the tearing apart of friends
the exhaustion and the noise -
i would have signed up
for something different
as the red of stoplights
get sucked into black puddles
i wonder how many people i've hurt
i begin to count
and i quickly run out of fingers
with my head hanging in my lap
hands through my hair
gripping and pulling
wanting and needing
i try to forget and start again
become one pair of headlights
lost in a lonely road
caressing still waters
making more ripples of my own
only, this time, a bit less painful
passing oncoming vehicles 
wanting more out of this
somehow, it all seems worth it
expept for the moments when it doesn't
when i have managed to bring
everything to ruin
waste other people's time
bring other people down
for now, and just for now, 
i am the blur of headlight in the rain
in the dark
in the trickle of black 
in the low haze of red
in the hidden water
in the ripples and desruction
i am the lost lights
in the dead of night