inside us all is
a voice
who tells how to act
and to stand up tall.
mine speaks louder
i believe than yours
and that is why
i face the world front on
and care not for their words.

i beat myself down
and bring myself to tears
i won't lie
i've been doing this for years.
i don't need you anymore
to make fun of me from outside
i don't need you anymore
to confront the fears i hide.

I never gave the voice a name
and i never really thought about it
as much more than a game.
i would win, surely
i couldn't lose
unless I let the voice
wash my face in tears.

so one more day without bread
one more day, don't go to bed
one more hour
one more minute
just push it harder
i won't relent.
one more scar
one more tear
one more bite
one more year.

and if you think I am crazy yet
meet others, who push on still
i am nothing other than
unwell
that's right
i'm rather ill.

ill at heart and ill content
i want more, I want the extent
of what is devine and what is right
push me back
.. i 'll just fight.

i won't be perfect
i will be perfection
i won't second guess
until i love my reflection.

mirror mirror
on the wall
who is the fondest of them all?
vanity is inset deep
awake now what
three days? a week.

i cannot sleep, 
sleep is a waste of time
awake now 
awake
work, strive
perfection's price is high
and yet not unfair.
i will work my way up,
rather... down
to there.

and when i win i congratulate
myself with scars
another goal defeated
another ego boost i don't deserve.
humble. yes.


i gues sthen maybe,
there is a crazy piece
and instead of being a few bolts lose
its on their rather tight.
i have to admit
it fits just right.

so one more day
one more hour
one more minute
the goal's not sour...
push. succeed, win. begin again.
when all this is done,
you'll see. 
Perfection...
That will be me.


xoxo
Ellie J