The Event, My Choice…

I write and write, and think and think, I’m tired and intoxicated in this life, and I think I need another drink, To reduce or distract the pain that I feel, I’ve been crying and upset, for what is wrong with me is evidently a big deal, I’m sick and sometimes this mortal and physical life I want gone, so this burden won’t be so pressuring on my chest, I have tried hard in life, but I didn’t do my best, Now, all I am ever doing, is putting toxic materials inside of this vessel, in which I dwell, Life I am losing control of and this connection becomes small and unwell, I was once at the top and in my prime, until, a certain traumatizing event occurred and then I slipped of this edge of life and a terrifyingly great fall I fell, Now I am living this unwanted life, and right now I reason with myself, but I still prefer hell, How long I can reason and keep it agreeable under my own decree, I am uncertain, Once more I can say I’m confused and extremely sick of this disturbing burden, I feel this striking pain and tightening in my existence and it continues to haunt me every torturing moment of my life, I’ve fought so very hard, but I’m exhausted and worn I am of this fight, This battle or complication in this dimension I have simultaneously bombarded with a barrage of courageous and inspired blows, The answer to life is unfound, but for even the next step is something I do not know, Because of the purpose I once had, that kept me going and tackling all through my time, I’m seriously starting to lose control, and to attempt to regain help is needed or at the very least a molecular clue or sign, As I light up another cigarette to help calm and relieve a small fraction of my stress, This life is no longer enjoyable and now I can see in a pessimistic way that it is nothing, but a mind blowing test, I think that maybe sometime, somewhere there maybe a paradise still left for me, As I grab this newly obtained gun, I think in just a minute I will find out and see, And if paradise is not the path of my destination, Maybe my path is nothing but a road towards devastation, But as of now only a choice and time can tell, Time to pull the trigger and find out the answer, is it heaven or hell?! By: Tyler Golden